SCRIPTURE OF THE Day: Doctrine & Covenants 110:7
"For behold, I have accepted this house, and my name shall be here; and I will manifest myself to my people in mercy in this house."
This is so ironic. I subscribe to the Latter-day Light Daily Devotional where I get a scripture and quote from a Prophet every day. The one I received today (above) is just another testimony to me that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and blessing me.
Tomorrow I sign the settlement papers on my new house!!!!
Now, I know the above quote is about temples, but, if I read it in the context of my own house, I can see the hand of God blessing me and confirming that this is the right decision for me.
Do I put too much stock in these devotionals? I don't think so, especially since they have been right on for the last year. I look forward to reading them every day and have looked to them as answers to prayers that I have daily.
I was thinking of having my house dedicated to the Lord. I hope that I will be able to help people by having a house, whether it be family or friends. I pray that the Lord WILL manifest Himself, in mercy, in this house--my house.
I am ever grateful for a loving Father who leads and guides me every day. He has not forsaken me. I know He never will.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
O Happy Day
Mosiah 2:41
"And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it."
"And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it."
Sunday, January 23, 2011
New House?
I am meeting with my Realtor tomorrow to sign papers to buy a house!
It's so exciting! And scary!
Since I got to Utah I have been looking for: 1. a job; and 2. a house. So five months has passed and my dreams are coming true.
I got: 1. a great job; and 2. a nice house (I hope).
So, my Realtor told me I should go visit the new ward I will be living in to see how it is.
I arrived at the Midvale East 2nd ward in time for their backwards church of Relief Society first.
When I walked in, all I saw were white-haired women.
"Oh, no..." I thought. "I look like the youngest one here..."
Then, as the meeting progressed, the room filled up with younger types with children and babies attached.
"Whew..." I breathed a sigh of relief.
After the opening song and prayer, the R.S. president asked if there were any visitors.
I stood up and introduced myself. I told them I was looking at a house on Carol Way and I was wondering if there were any tithing discounts if I moved into the ward.
Everyone laughed.
After the lesson a nice sister in front of me told me Gospel Doctrine (Sunday School) was in the R.S. room. She said, "I'll come sit with you!"
So I moved over and made room for her. We had a lovely conversation. She's a widow from southern California originally and lives two doors down from 'my' house. Her house is the same layout as mine. She has had boomerang kids live with her--first her son and his family, and now her daughter and her family. I told her that might happen to me, so I was grateful to hear it wasn't unusual and the house would be perfect for that.
I felt like I had met a kindred spirit. Then she said she was leaving for a mission to Dallas, TX next Monday. phooey...I mean, not that she's going on a mission, but that we hit it off and now she won't be there.
Oh well...
Just before sacrament meeting, I sat in front of two families. They both live in the houses behind 'mine.' "On the dead end street," they said. "It's a great neighborhood," they confided as the organ belted out the opening hymn prelude.
After church, I found Brother Powell whom I met last week when I stopped in because I saw all the cars in the parking lot. It was a funeral! Br. Powell was telling me about what a great neighborhood and ward it was. He introduced me to the ward clerk (and others) and told him to get me a Stake Directory. (I think Brother Powell secretly runs the church.)
I followed the ward clerk into his office for a stake directory.
"Am I even allowed to have one?" I asked, cautiously. "I'm not a member here yet."
"Oh, that's OK," someone else in the office interjected. "Here's Bishop Atkinson. Ask him."
Brother Powell had undoubtedly swept the bishop my way into the clerk's office. Brother Powell told me he was a big guy, and he was true to his word. Bishop Atkinson was very kind. He asked me what brought me here and I told him. He said he was sorry, but he knew I would do well in the ward. "Here. Take this and fill it out and we'll move your records over."
"I haven't moved in yet!"
"That's OK. Fill it out when you move and then give it to me and we'll sit down and have a chat."
What a great guy! He was so nice. A gentle giant, if you will.
On my way out, I met up with Jeanne Gunter again, the mission gal. I told her I was going to be in the neighborhood tomorrow to sign the papers. Could I come over and see how her house is decorated? I wanted to see her furniture placements, etc. to give me some ideas since 'my' house is empty.
She said, "Sure!" and she gave me her cell phone number which was not in the directory.
Meanwhile, one of the R.S. counselors came over and joined the conversation. She said they already had a job picked out for me.
Did I feel welcomed?
I can't wait to go there!
It's so exciting! And scary!
Since I got to Utah I have been looking for: 1. a job; and 2. a house. So five months has passed and my dreams are coming true.
I got: 1. a great job; and 2. a nice house (I hope).
So, my Realtor told me I should go visit the new ward I will be living in to see how it is.
I arrived at the Midvale East 2nd ward in time for their backwards church of Relief Society first.
When I walked in, all I saw were white-haired women.
"Oh, no..." I thought. "I look like the youngest one here..."
Then, as the meeting progressed, the room filled up with younger types with children and babies attached.
"Whew..." I breathed a sigh of relief.
After the opening song and prayer, the R.S. president asked if there were any visitors.
I stood up and introduced myself. I told them I was looking at a house on Carol Way and I was wondering if there were any tithing discounts if I moved into the ward.
Everyone laughed.
After the lesson a nice sister in front of me told me Gospel Doctrine (Sunday School) was in the R.S. room. She said, "I'll come sit with you!"
So I moved over and made room for her. We had a lovely conversation. She's a widow from southern California originally and lives two doors down from 'my' house. Her house is the same layout as mine. She has had boomerang kids live with her--first her son and his family, and now her daughter and her family. I told her that might happen to me, so I was grateful to hear it wasn't unusual and the house would be perfect for that.
I felt like I had met a kindred spirit. Then she said she was leaving for a mission to Dallas, TX next Monday. phooey...I mean, not that she's going on a mission, but that we hit it off and now she won't be there.
Oh well...
Just before sacrament meeting, I sat in front of two families. They both live in the houses behind 'mine.' "On the dead end street," they said. "It's a great neighborhood," they confided as the organ belted out the opening hymn prelude.
After church, I found Brother Powell whom I met last week when I stopped in because I saw all the cars in the parking lot. It was a funeral! Br. Powell was telling me about what a great neighborhood and ward it was. He introduced me to the ward clerk (and others) and told him to get me a Stake Directory. (I think Brother Powell secretly runs the church.)
I followed the ward clerk into his office for a stake directory.
"Am I even allowed to have one?" I asked, cautiously. "I'm not a member here yet."
"Oh, that's OK," someone else in the office interjected. "Here's Bishop Atkinson. Ask him."
Brother Powell had undoubtedly swept the bishop my way into the clerk's office. Brother Powell told me he was a big guy, and he was true to his word. Bishop Atkinson was very kind. He asked me what brought me here and I told him. He said he was sorry, but he knew I would do well in the ward. "Here. Take this and fill it out and we'll move your records over."
"I haven't moved in yet!"
"That's OK. Fill it out when you move and then give it to me and we'll sit down and have a chat."
What a great guy! He was so nice. A gentle giant, if you will.
On my way out, I met up with Jeanne Gunter again, the mission gal. I told her I was going to be in the neighborhood tomorrow to sign the papers. Could I come over and see how her house is decorated? I wanted to see her furniture placements, etc. to give me some ideas since 'my' house is empty.
She said, "Sure!" and she gave me her cell phone number which was not in the directory.
Meanwhile, one of the R.S. counselors came over and joined the conversation. She said they already had a job picked out for me.
Did I feel welcomed?
I can't wait to go there!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." ~Moroni 7:45
I have learned that, if you don't have charity, meaning the pure love of Christ, you can't achieve the celestial kingdom's highest glory.
And except ye have acharity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; ~Moroni 10:21
I strive to have this charity, but I know I don't come close to having the pure love of Christ in my life right now.
I keep promising Heavenly Father, "Some day...I promise...I will forgive..." ...but right now...I just have to 'be.' I have to heal. I have to find my own way; take it at my own pace.
Moroni echoed what was spoken by Paul in the New Testament. "Charity Never Faileth."
I certainly do believe all things and hope all things right now. I believe I have borne a lot of 'things,' especially in this past year, but in many years past as well. I feel I have endured a LOT of things. I do rejoice in the truth.
I have to admit, I do 'thinketh evil' pretty regularly. My friends, who have gone through what I am going through, all say I have to give myself time--PLENTY of time--before I will be able to live again fully and heal and be whole. I am willing to put in the time. I long for healing. But every once in awhile (or sometimes a great lot) I am taken back a few steps and stumble and fall down. My friends say it can't be helped. This will happen. So I will take them at their word.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
~1Corinthians 13:2
H.F. knows my heart. I hope He sees some good inside there.
I have learned that, if you don't have charity, meaning the pure love of Christ, you can't achieve the celestial kingdom's highest glory.
And except ye have acharity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; ~Moroni 10:21
I strive to have this charity, but I know I don't come close to having the pure love of Christ in my life right now.
I keep promising Heavenly Father, "Some day...I promise...I will forgive..." ...but right now...I just have to 'be.' I have to heal. I have to find my own way; take it at my own pace.
Moroni echoed what was spoken by Paul in the New Testament. "Charity Never Faileth."
I certainly do believe all things and hope all things right now. I believe I have borne a lot of 'things,' especially in this past year, but in many years past as well. I feel I have endured a LOT of things. I do rejoice in the truth.
I have to admit, I do 'thinketh evil' pretty regularly. My friends, who have gone through what I am going through, all say I have to give myself time--PLENTY of time--before I will be able to live again fully and heal and be whole. I am willing to put in the time. I long for healing. But every once in awhile (or sometimes a great lot) I am taken back a few steps and stumble and fall down. My friends say it can't be helped. This will happen. So I will take them at their word.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
~1Corinthians 13:2
H.F. knows my heart. I hope He sees some good inside there.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year Blessings
So, being New Years Day, I thought I would make a list of things I'm thankful for. I spent all of 2010 making and living resolutions. I think I've filled my quota for quite a few years. But there's still room for improvement, you might say.
And, so there is.
But first, the blessings:
Sandy/Alex holding Jodi's Daisy, and me
Oquirrh Mountain Temple, all three are about 15 minutes away
My peeps at Clare Bridge of Dublin, minus Lynn Wirth. They gave me a farewell party on August 10th, my last day. I miss them... and I saw Lynn later
My sister, Kathy, sends me uplifting texts every morning. I look forward to them. One time it served as my alarm clock and I wasn't late for work!!!! Yikes! Keep it up, Kath!
Chrissy, my baby sister, and me at my family farewell party
I know I haven't even scratched the surface of my blessings. I know there will be many more to come.
Please, Lord, lead me down the right path during this next phase, as I know Thou will. Thou was with me, leading and guiding me, and sometimes giving me a good kick in the head to get going. Thou told me to have courage. Thou persuaded me that I was making the right decisions. Thou let me know, under no uncertain terms, I was doing the right thing—getting a divorce and moving to Utah. For that, I am grateful. I look to Thee in all things. I love Thee, Lord. Please bless all those who had a hand in my life this past year. Please bless them abundantly!!!!
And, so there is.
But first, the blessings:
- My Heavenly Father loves me and knows who I am. He knows my angst and my happiness. He has helped me through this last year. I can and will not ever deny that. So many times I saw one set of footprints. So many times He was the only One I could rely on.
- The Atonement of our Savior took up the slack when I couldn’t go on. I knew I would have to rely on Him to fill the measure of what was needed. I hope I will always live my life worthy of His great sacrifice.
- I am thankful for the Meyersons. When Bonnie found out I wanted to move to Utah but I didn't know how I was going to do it, she didn't hesitate. She said right out, "You'll stay with us." What a blessing that has been! I have my own room and bath and a big closet. The Meyersons have given me so much and ask nothing in return. I needed a place to feel safe and they freely gave it to me.
Jodi and Bonnie
and Mike Meyerson
- I'm near my kids--at least two of them, but I have seen Jewely three times since I've been here. Idaho might not seem so far away, but it's a LOOOOONG four-hour drive to Rexburg. It actually takes me five hours because I have to stop every hour or so to stretch my legs. But, I digress... I have seen Sandy and Zannah, and now Nick, many, many times. Sometimes once a week, sometimes more. The Meyersons are gracious and invite them to dinners and they allow me to cook dinners and invite them over, usually on Sundays.
Soon-to-be son-in-law Nick and Zannah
Sandy/Alex holding Jodi's Daisy, and me
- My youngest child, Elder Tim Knight, is serving a mission. I have been told that most of the blessings I am receiving are because of his missionary service. It's so true.
- I have had a chance to create some new traditions with my kids, like going to see the Christmas lights at Temple Square, going to see “The Forgotten Carols,” and getting tickets for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert, this year with David Archuleta and Michael York. I look forward to perpetrating them in the years to come. I hope we can get tickets again next year. They are distributed by lottery.
Elder K. Timothy Knight
Illinois Chicago Mission
currently serving in the Michigan City, Indiana area
Me, after the MoTab Christmas Concert. Looking on from the Conference Center.
Zannah and Nick enjoying the lights at Temple Square
Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert 2010 with David Archuleta and Michael York.
I hope we can get tickets again next year! It was awesome!
- Though Facebook was the impetus that led to the dissolution of my marriage, I recognize that it is also had for good. Without Facebook I would not be able to keep in touch so intimately with all my friends that remained behind, my family and the friends I have here. Email is also a miracle. I can, at any time, correspond with anyone anywhere. Add Skype and you have a trifecta of communication that wasn't available a decade ago.
- I found a good job. It's the same kind of work I did before, but in a different setting. God is good. Though I have a lot to learn, I am willing. It might not be in a place I would have chosen, but I know HE knows what is good for me. I have many benefits from working there, and the people are great. I hope to make some wonderful friends in the people that work there. I will try to decipher the new language and do the best job I can.
- I am healthy. For the first time in a long time...I feel better than ever.
- I am happy. Burdens were lifted that were on my shoulders for many years. I now have a chance to pursue my dreams. I can have dreams! I can do anything I want to do. I hope to serve God and listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost in all things. I acknowledge He is the source of my happiness. I feel loved and protected.
- Prayer is the communication I have with God. Reading the scriptures and receiving Priesthood blessings give me the answers to my prayers--His communication back at me. He has not forsaken me.
- I have a choice of three temples to attend within a 15-minute radius. Add 20 minutes and I've got 4. Add a half hour and there are more than a half dozen. I love Utah for that reason (among many).
Draper Temple
Jordan River Temple
- I have so many friends!!!! I would not be where I am today without their constant care and companionship. This last year would have done me in, but my friends kept me going. They gave me hope. They buoyed me up. My friends rallied around me and constantly called me to see how I was doing. They still do! They helped me leave and gave me a place to stay. I had many more offers than I took up. I really felt so loved.
My peeps at church gave me a farewell party before I left, too. August 10th, the same day.
Skipback Cindies Reunion in July. So many old friends I hadn't seen in quite awhile.
Gillis girls. They are my family. Megan calls me 'Aunt Susan,' which I love. Beverly is my honorary big sister. It was nice to have Erin there, too.
Patty, me, Lynn, Brenda-- *sigh*
Donna IS my sister. We decided that a long time ago.
Joanie Fuller Harlan let me stay with her on my last day in Penna. She's my very best friend from grade school!
I had lunch with LuAnn Stern before I left. It was good to set eyes on her after 25 years of just corresponding. We sang in a guitar trio in high school with Nancy Pollock Cole. I guess she realized if she was ever going to see me it was now or never! So good to see her! We are eternal friends.
I stopped in Kentucky and stayed with the Ahrens family..another blessing along the way.
I stopped in Colorado Springs to see my friend, Shirlee Brule' and her family. Good times!
- My family!!!!!! My sister, Kathy, sent me an uplifting text every morning (still does!), which I read ravenously. My other brothers and sister also told me they were there for me, whatever I might need. I was so touched by their love. I’ve never seen my mom act so she-bear! Though I had to temper her anger and persuade her to NOT come to Pennsylvania to be with me, I was so grateful for the offer. Before I left, Andrew gave me a big hug and dropped a tear or two and said he wasn’t happy about losing another sister to a faraway place. Warren called and left a message on my voicemail and told me he loved me (which I have saved and won’t delete). John called to make sure I was OK and offer financial help, as did Chrissy. She sent me many texts to tell me how much she loves me (which I keep and will not delete). Beth called and offered the expertise of her bosses at the law firm. She wanted to make sure I was on the right path and that I was looking out for my own interests and wasn’t caving.
My sister, Kathy, sends me uplifting texts every morning. I look forward to them. One time it served as my alarm clock and I wasn't late for work!!!! Yikes! Keep it up, Kath!
Chrissy, my baby sister, and me at my family farewell party
Family get-together the day before I left
My little brother, John, and me
Jeff, holding Trudie, Mom and Andrew
Don, my mother's wonderful husband
Andrew at a summer cook-out at Warren's
Chris and Warren after a water balloon fight
Jeff waiting his turn at horseshoes
Lori and Beth, my precious sisters-in-law
I honestly didn’t realize so many people cared for me! I am blessed to have so many friends, and a big family who love me.
- A chance to start over.
I know I haven't even scratched the surface of my blessings. I know there will be many more to come.
Please, Lord, lead me down the right path during this next phase, as I know Thou will. Thou was with me, leading and guiding me, and sometimes giving me a good kick in the head to get going. Thou told me to have courage. Thou persuaded me that I was making the right decisions. Thou let me know, under no uncertain terms, I was doing the right thing—getting a divorce and moving to Utah. For that, I am grateful. I look to Thee in all things. I love Thee, Lord. Please bless all those who had a hand in my life this past year. Please bless them abundantly!!!!
In My Life: random thoughts of a new Utahn
I feel very blessed to be here in Utah, but I must admit, around this time, I think of family that is still back in Pennsylvania.
I had a good conversation with brothers, sister, nieces, nephews and in-laws at the annual Tobelmann gathering at Christmastime last Monday. My mother said it. "Skype is a miracle!" And so it is. It was just like being there, except we didn't have any of the comfort food served that night. Alex came over and Zannah brought Nick to meet the family. They gave him a pretty rough going, but he withstood it. I think he passed the scrutiny. I told him...marry the girl, marry the family.
Zee & Nick had to leave, but Sandy stayed. We had to 'hang-up' so Kathy could Skype from Florida, but when Kathy hung up, Sandy and I got on again. They were cleaning up. I got to have some good conversations with John and Lori --and Billy (haha). I love Skype!
Warren said he made Chicken Fricasse. It's something I rarely made, but it does remind me of growing up. And Lori's Christmas cookies....
Chicken Fricasse, Red Beans and Rice, Gumbo, Tapioca, Rice Pudding...New Orleans food that was served regularly. There are some foods I didn't make for my family, but I have a remembrance of them.
I know I am forgetting some.
We knew we were going to have red beans and rice if we had a ham dinner, which wasn't often. Now I look forward to Christmas and Easter food so I can make red beans and rice. I also had a magnificent garden and grew okra (which grew like weeds!) so I could make the coveted Gumbo with shrimp, crab or chicken. Gumbo is a leftovers meal. Granny said you look and see what you have leftover in the refrigerator, then you make the roux and dump in whatever you had. But you had to have okra.
I have found that okra can be skipped, but I guess it's not authentic then.
I got to Skype with my mom on Christmas Day, too. She just got it. It was great to see her. SEE her! She asked, "What was that show you watched as a kid when they could talk to and see the person?"
"The Jetsons."
"I feel like it's the Jetsons!" she exclaimed.
"Except I'm waiting for that contraption that comes down and fits over your head and does your hair and makeup so you're presentable on the screen," I lamented.
I was beginning to think Christmas cards were redundant because of Facebook and email and all the many facets of communication available these days. Who needs to have a Christmas letter that tells me things I already know?
But, I must say, receiving Christmas cards from all my friends and family REEEEEEALLY made me feel loved and thought about. The fact that they went out of their way to get my address and sign a card and write the address and place a stamp on an envelope and take it to the post office....really warms my heart. I hope I will be able to send Christmas cards next year. I will make it one of my goals. Of course I have to 'make' them, so that sets me back a few months, but I will relish it. I miss doing my artwork--I miss crafting. It's been over a year since I painted. I want to paint again.
I bought my mother-of-the-bride dress yesterday. Bonnie went with me to the Southtowne Mall, just about a mile away from here. I got the first dress I tried on!!! Bonnie couldn't believe it. She said she would have to go shopping with me more often. She said it took her forever to get a dress for her son's wedding last year. I researched it online, then took the picture to Dillards, the saleslady led me to the dress, told me I should wear a Petite size (bless you, lady!) and set me up with about a half-dozen dresses in the dressing room.
I liked it the minute I put it on. But, to appease Bonnie, who couldn't believe I could just get the first dress I tried on, I tried on another one. It was similar to the first, but much more dressy. I really liked it, but it was definitely something I could only wear to a wedding. I really did like it. It was feminine and dressy with a taffeta flower on the assymetrical neckline. I thought I looked good in it.
But I got the first.
I am too practical for my own good.
It is also feminine and dressy, but can be worn to church, too, if I want to. I also got a bolero sweater to go with it (it will probably be cold in March), and the sweater would not go with the second dress. It's black but I can also wear a colored tank top underneath with one of Zannah's colors (purple and green).
It has a collar and rhinestone buttons on the front and on the cuffs of the 3/4 sleeves. It has a rouched waist/bodice and a full skirt made of taffeta with an underslip with tulle to make it fluff out. I love it!.
They were both Loretta Young-type dresses. I made it a point to 'twirl' in the mirror.
Last night Bonnie and I brought in the New Year with a glass of Sparkling Pomegranite-Apple bubbly stuff. We waited up to midnight, but we were both tired. Mike was out delivering pizza. He didn't get in until almost 2:00 in the morning! I hope he made some good tips!
I received some Happy New Year texts at around 10:00--I didn't think at the time that I am two hours behind the east coast. I wondered at first, for a second, why I was getting them so early. haha
And, so, today I am catching up on my blog. I am thinking good thoughts about my loved ones all over the country. I have many.
I am blessed.
I had a good conversation with brothers, sister, nieces, nephews and in-laws at the annual Tobelmann gathering at Christmastime last Monday. My mother said it. "Skype is a miracle!" And so it is. It was just like being there, except we didn't have any of the comfort food served that night. Alex came over and Zannah brought Nick to meet the family. They gave him a pretty rough going, but he withstood it. I think he passed the scrutiny. I told him...marry the girl, marry the family.
Zee & Nick had to leave, but Sandy stayed. We had to 'hang-up' so Kathy could Skype from Florida, but when Kathy hung up, Sandy and I got on again. They were cleaning up. I got to have some good conversations with John and Lori --and Billy (haha). I love Skype!
Warren said he made Chicken Fricasse. It's something I rarely made, but it does remind me of growing up. And Lori's Christmas cookies....
Chicken Fricasse, Red Beans and Rice, Gumbo, Tapioca, Rice Pudding...New Orleans food that was served regularly. There are some foods I didn't make for my family, but I have a remembrance of them.
I know I am forgetting some.
We knew we were going to have red beans and rice if we had a ham dinner, which wasn't often. Now I look forward to Christmas and Easter food so I can make red beans and rice. I also had a magnificent garden and grew okra (which grew like weeds!) so I could make the coveted Gumbo with shrimp, crab or chicken. Gumbo is a leftovers meal. Granny said you look and see what you have leftover in the refrigerator, then you make the roux and dump in whatever you had. But you had to have okra.
I have found that okra can be skipped, but I guess it's not authentic then.
I got to Skype with my mom on Christmas Day, too. She just got it. It was great to see her. SEE her! She asked, "What was that show you watched as a kid when they could talk to and see the person?"
"The Jetsons."
"I feel like it's the Jetsons!" she exclaimed.
"Except I'm waiting for that contraption that comes down and fits over your head and does your hair and makeup so you're presentable on the screen," I lamented.
I was beginning to think Christmas cards were redundant because of Facebook and email and all the many facets of communication available these days. Who needs to have a Christmas letter that tells me things I already know?
But, I must say, receiving Christmas cards from all my friends and family REEEEEEALLY made me feel loved and thought about. The fact that they went out of their way to get my address and sign a card and write the address and place a stamp on an envelope and take it to the post office....really warms my heart. I hope I will be able to send Christmas cards next year. I will make it one of my goals. Of course I have to 'make' them, so that sets me back a few months, but I will relish it. I miss doing my artwork--I miss crafting. It's been over a year since I painted. I want to paint again.
I bought my mother-of-the-bride dress yesterday. Bonnie went with me to the Southtowne Mall, just about a mile away from here. I got the first dress I tried on!!! Bonnie couldn't believe it. She said she would have to go shopping with me more often. She said it took her forever to get a dress for her son's wedding last year. I researched it online, then took the picture to Dillards, the saleslady led me to the dress, told me I should wear a Petite size (bless you, lady!) and set me up with about a half-dozen dresses in the dressing room.
I liked it the minute I put it on. But, to appease Bonnie, who couldn't believe I could just get the first dress I tried on, I tried on another one. It was similar to the first, but much more dressy. I really liked it, but it was definitely something I could only wear to a wedding. I really did like it. It was feminine and dressy with a taffeta flower on the assymetrical neckline. I thought I looked good in it.
But I got the first.
I am too practical for my own good.
It is also feminine and dressy, but can be worn to church, too, if I want to. I also got a bolero sweater to go with it (it will probably be cold in March), and the sweater would not go with the second dress. It's black but I can also wear a colored tank top underneath with one of Zannah's colors (purple and green).
It has a collar and rhinestone buttons on the front and on the cuffs of the 3/4 sleeves. It has a rouched waist/bodice and a full skirt made of taffeta with an underslip with tulle to make it fluff out. I love it!.
They were both Loretta Young-type dresses. I made it a point to 'twirl' in the mirror.
Last night Bonnie and I brought in the New Year with a glass of Sparkling Pomegranite-Apple bubbly stuff. We waited up to midnight, but we were both tired. Mike was out delivering pizza. He didn't get in until almost 2:00 in the morning! I hope he made some good tips!
I received some Happy New Year texts at around 10:00--I didn't think at the time that I am two hours behind the east coast. I wondered at first, for a second, why I was getting them so early. haha
And, so, today I am catching up on my blog. I am thinking good thoughts about my loved ones all over the country. I have many.
I am blessed.
A MESSAGE FOR MY KIDS...Just So You Know...
How Long Do You Worry About Your Kids?
Is there an imaginary cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable
For their own actions?
Is there some wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators
In the lives of their children and shrug,
'It's Their life,' and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor
Waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches in my son's head and I asked,
'When do you stop worrying?'
The nurse said,'When they get out of
The accident stage.'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little chair in a classroom
And heard how one of my children
Talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career
Making license plates.
As if to read my mind, a teacher said,
'Don't worry, they all go through this stage, and then you can sit back,
Relax and enjoy them.'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
For the phone to ring,
The cars to come home,
The front door to open.
A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves.
'Don't worry!
In a few years, they'll be adults.
'They'll be off on their own
They'll be out of your hair'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
By the time I was 50,
I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children,
But there was a new wrinkle..
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their
Failures, be tormented by their
Frustrations and
Absorbed in their disappointments...
There was nothing I could do about it.
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
My friends said that
When my kids got married
I could stop worrying
And lead my own life.
I wanted to believe that,
But I was haunted by my parent's warm smiles and their occasional,
'You look pale. Are you all right?'
'Call me the minute you get home'.
'Are you depressed about something?'
My friends said that
When I became a grandparent
That I would get to enjoy
The happy little voices yelling
Grandma! PopPop!
But now I find that I worry
Just as much about the little kids
As the big ones.
How can anyone cope
With all this worry?
Can it be that parents are sentenced
To a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch
To blaze the trail of human frailties
And the fears of the unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it
A virtue that elevates us
To the highest form of earthly creation?
Recently, one of my own children
Became quite irritable, saying to me,
'Where were you?
I've been calling for 3 days,
And no one answered, and
I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
~Author Unknown
I'm still waiting for the torch to pass, but just so you know....this IS what it's like...
Is there an imaginary cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable
For their own actions?
Is there some wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators
In the lives of their children and shrug,
'It's Their life,' and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor
Waiting for doctors to put a few Stitches in my son's head and I asked,
'When do you stop worrying?'
The nurse said,'When they get out of
The accident stage.'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little chair in a classroom
And heard how one of my children
Talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career
Making license plates.
As if to read my mind, a teacher said,
'Don't worry, they all go through this stage, and then you can sit back,
Relax and enjoy them.'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
For the phone to ring,
The cars to come home,
The front door to open.
A friend said,
'They're trying to find themselves.
'Don't worry!
In a few years, they'll be adults.
'They'll be off on their own
They'll be out of your hair'
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
By the time I was 50,
I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children,
But there was a new wrinkle..
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their
Failures, be tormented by their
Frustrations and
Absorbed in their disappointments...
There was nothing I could do about it.
My Parents just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
My friends said that
When my kids got married
I could stop worrying
And lead my own life.
I wanted to believe that,
But I was haunted by my parent's warm smiles and their occasional,
'You look pale. Are you all right?'
'Call me the minute you get home'.
'Are you depressed about something?'
My friends said that
When I became a grandparent
That I would get to enjoy
The happy little voices yelling
Grandma! PopPop!
But now I find that I worry
Just as much about the little kids
As the big ones.
How can anyone cope
With all this worry?
Can it be that parents are sentenced
To a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch
To blaze the trail of human frailties
And the fears of the unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it
A virtue that elevates us
To the highest form of earthly creation?
Recently, one of my own children
Became quite irritable, saying to me,
'Where were you?
I've been calling for 3 days,
And no one answered, and
I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
~Author Unknown
I'm still waiting for the torch to pass, but just so you know....this IS what it's like...
Thursday, November 25, 2010
My New Job
So...Monday, November 22, 2010 was the start of my new job as Admin/Office Coordinator in the Pharmacy Services division at SelectHealth in Murray, UT.
What a great place!
Of course, I've only worked there for three days (then I had a Thanksgiving holiday), but the first three days were superb.
I've got my own cubby (cubicle), so I'm trying to envision how I will decorate it (tee*hee).
I don't have a computer set-up yet, but I'm using an old laptop; one I will be using to take meeting minutes. And there are many, many meetings, I've found out. I do have a phone hooked up. I haven't completed the training on the phone yet. Yes, training on how to use the phone.... (it's complicated...)
From what I can gather...SelectHealth is a health insurance company--and it's rated in the Top 5 Places to Work in Utah, voted on by the employees, who, I have gathered, rave about the place--and I work in the Pharmacy division. It involves a lot of jargon about drugs and drug companies. I am the admin for the Chief of Pharmacy and the pharmacists and the customer service call center people. I believe the pharmacy division discusses drugs and puts them in the tiers according to the expense. The call center people take calls from pharmacists and doctors and customers and answer questions, etc.
I may be wrong. I've only been to one staff meeting and some of the lingo went over my head, and, of course, there are lots and lots of acronyms I have not learned the meanings for.
I don't want to talk about it too much because, well, you're not supposed to blog about your job or workplace.
BUT...I LOVE it! They seem to be breaking me in easy, which I am thankful for, but next week may prove to be ramped up a bit. I don't know.
My boss is really nice. The pharmacists I work with are really nice. All the others are really nice.
Hey, it's Utah. EVERYBODY here is really nice!
I hope this was OK to talk about on a blog. It's all good, right? I don't have anything negative to say. I am blessed!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I GOT A JOB!
I was beginning to panic. I had been here in Utah for two months and still no job. I received one offer, but it was too little money and too little hours.
I logged 56 on-line applications and I went on 11 job interviews. Sometimes I did two interviews in one day! Then...nothing. I had no interviews on my calendar for this week.
I picked Sandy up from the airport on Monday and on the way back to Herriman we passed South Jordan. I said to him, "That is where I want to work. That is where I want to live." On the way my phone rang, but because I was driving I didn't answer it.
Sandy said, "You should answer it. It might be a job!"
No, not while I'm driving.
So, when I got home, I listened to the voice mail and it was Merit Medical in South Jordan asking if I'd be interested in a 2-week temp job. I said, "Yes!"
Isn't that funny that I just said I wanted to work in South Jordan?
Anyway...
I went over that afternoon, signed some papers and went for a drug test.
AND, the recruiter there said she was sending my application/resume' to HR in case there was a job for me as an admin. Hmmm....good deal!
The next day, Tuesday, I was temping at Merit Medical. I was helping out during the busy open enrollment time. Their health insurance was with SelectHealth. I thought, "Hey! I was interviewed for a job at SelectHealth. How ironic!"
The next afternoon, Wednesday, I received a call from SelectHealth. (!!!) I had interviewed for a job as office coordinator for the pharmacy division. They wanted to offer me the job! They checked my references and they were glowing and they offered me more money than previously was offered!
Whoa!
I was flabbergasted. I asked if I could think about it because I had 2 other companies I was waiting on. She said I had 40 hours. She also sang the praises of SelectHealth to me; the perks, the promotionals, the pension, etc.
SO...
I came home to Meyersons and told them. They were excited for me. Mike said SelectHealth was one of the top companies in Utah to work for. I told him the recruiter said they were one of the top 10 companies in Utah to work for. The employees voted, so it must be good, right?
I told them I had been praying all day and prayed in my room on my knees and I just didn't get any confirmation!? Normally, I get confirmations. I got nothing.
The next day, Thursday, I got a call from CHG, another company I interviewed for. They wanted me to come in for a second interview. I told them I received an offer and was there any information they could give me about my chances at CHG. I didn't really want to work there, but I thought, what the heck?
I was told they didn't even do all the first interviews. I politely declined the second interview. That place would have been too stressful to work for anyway.
That evening, I received a Dear John (rejection) email from another place I interviewed for. I also emailed the other company I wanted to work for--Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought it would be kinda fun to work there. But it was in SLC, and I really didn't want to work in SLC. But I asked them what my chances were to be hired because I received another job offer.
On Friday, there was a person at Merit from SelectHealth who was there to help out with questions at the class everyone had to take about the insurance. I spoke with her and she also sang the praises of working at SelectHealth. She said it was very family friendly and that the people were very nice. She said she knew the person who would be my boss and said he was a nice man. She said she left S.H., for a few minutes, then went right back to them. She said she was going to stay with S.H. until she retired. It is a great company.
I still felt like I didn't get a confirmation, though.
Stupid me.
I go to do a job and SelectHealth is all over all the information I'm passing out to the people. Then they call and offer me even more money than before. Then the other jobs don't pan out. Then I talk to someone from the company who loves working there.
The clincher? Benefits from S.H. would kick in on January 1, the same day my benefits with my current company will end.
All of a sudden it hit me. I've been receiving confirmations the whole time! How many confirmations do I need?
I was expecting visions and other-worldly revelations, when I got simple face-to-face and hands-on ratification. How many reasons do I need to accept that offer? Come.on!
So I called the recruiter at InterMountainHealthcare, and accepted the offer. She even understood that I had a 2-week commitment with Merit Medical and allowed me to honor that.
I start November 22nd.
Another step accomplished in my new life.
Scary!
I logged 56 on-line applications and I went on 11 job interviews. Sometimes I did two interviews in one day! Then...nothing. I had no interviews on my calendar for this week.
I picked Sandy up from the airport on Monday and on the way back to Herriman we passed South Jordan. I said to him, "That is where I want to work. That is where I want to live." On the way my phone rang, but because I was driving I didn't answer it.
Sandy said, "You should answer it. It might be a job!"
No, not while I'm driving.
So, when I got home, I listened to the voice mail and it was Merit Medical in South Jordan asking if I'd be interested in a 2-week temp job. I said, "Yes!"
Isn't that funny that I just said I wanted to work in South Jordan?
Anyway...
I went over that afternoon, signed some papers and went for a drug test.
AND, the recruiter there said she was sending my application/resume' to HR in case there was a job for me as an admin. Hmmm....good deal!
The next day, Tuesday, I was temping at Merit Medical. I was helping out during the busy open enrollment time. Their health insurance was with SelectHealth. I thought, "Hey! I was interviewed for a job at SelectHealth. How ironic!"
The next afternoon, Wednesday, I received a call from SelectHealth. (!!!) I had interviewed for a job as office coordinator for the pharmacy division. They wanted to offer me the job! They checked my references and they were glowing and they offered me more money than previously was offered!
Whoa!
I was flabbergasted. I asked if I could think about it because I had 2 other companies I was waiting on. She said I had 40 hours. She also sang the praises of SelectHealth to me; the perks, the promotionals, the pension, etc.
SO...
I came home to Meyersons and told them. They were excited for me. Mike said SelectHealth was one of the top companies in Utah to work for. I told him the recruiter said they were one of the top 10 companies in Utah to work for. The employees voted, so it must be good, right?
I told them I had been praying all day and prayed in my room on my knees and I just didn't get any confirmation!? Normally, I get confirmations. I got nothing.
The next day, Thursday, I got a call from CHG, another company I interviewed for. They wanted me to come in for a second interview. I told them I received an offer and was there any information they could give me about my chances at CHG. I didn't really want to work there, but I thought, what the heck?
I was told they didn't even do all the first interviews. I politely declined the second interview. That place would have been too stressful to work for anyway.
That evening, I received a Dear John (rejection) email from another place I interviewed for. I also emailed the other company I wanted to work for--Utah College of Massage Therapy. I thought it would be kinda fun to work there. But it was in SLC, and I really didn't want to work in SLC. But I asked them what my chances were to be hired because I received another job offer.
On Friday, there was a person at Merit from SelectHealth who was there to help out with questions at the class everyone had to take about the insurance. I spoke with her and she also sang the praises of working at SelectHealth. She said it was very family friendly and that the people were very nice. She said she knew the person who would be my boss and said he was a nice man. She said she left S.H., for a few minutes, then went right back to them. She said she was going to stay with S.H. until she retired. It is a great company.
I still felt like I didn't get a confirmation, though.
Stupid me.
I go to do a job and SelectHealth is all over all the information I'm passing out to the people. Then they call and offer me even more money than before. Then the other jobs don't pan out. Then I talk to someone from the company who loves working there.
The clincher? Benefits from S.H. would kick in on January 1, the same day my benefits with my current company will end.
All of a sudden it hit me. I've been receiving confirmations the whole time! How many confirmations do I need?
I was expecting visions and other-worldly revelations, when I got simple face-to-face and hands-on ratification. How many reasons do I need to accept that offer? Come.on!
So I called the recruiter at InterMountainHealthcare, and accepted the offer. She even understood that I had a 2-week commitment with Merit Medical and allowed me to honor that.
I start November 22nd.
Another step accomplished in my new life.
Scary!
 |
| SelectHealth photo for my badge |
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Crocheting is my OCD
I cannot watch TV without crocheting. I guess I think it's just a waste of good time that can be spent by using my hands. I love it when someone sends me a picture of their child in one of my crocheted creations. That's little David Schlesser modeling his giraffe hat. I can't believe Kristen actually had a giraffe outfit for him to wear. How cute!
I love to make the cocoons. It's the newest thing now. I have one pattern, but I was able to figure out how to make other types.
The first one I tried was Three Peas in a Pod. From there I just kept thinking up new designs.
It's wonderful to see photos such as this one of Ella Jackson wrapped in the pink afghan I made for her before she was born. I'd love to have a shot of her in the pumpkin hat I just sent her. I keep forgetting to ask the mothers if they would take a picture.
The cocoon thing is just too cute. I have only given them away to Abington Hospital NICU, but I need to find another outlet for my crochet addiction. I'm thinking Primary Children's Hospital.Maybe they would like a lamb...or two?
This cute guy ended up in a craft contestfor Jo-Ann Fabrics. Wouldn't it be great if I would win?
The prize is a $1,500 gift card to Jo-Ann Fabrics. That would last me about....six weeks? haha! If I win, a $50,000 prize will be given to my charity of choice, which, out of the list I was given, a Preemie charity (can't remember the name) out of NY best fit with my craft. Wouldn't that be wonderful for them?
Well...on to more yarn...and more yarn...and more yarn...
Friday, November 12, 2010
I Will Never Tire of the Mountains
I have been working a temp job for Merit Medical in South Jordan, UT and, I lucked out, in that it's only a 10 minute drive from Sandy, where I'm staying right now. So, today, I stopped in at the local Home Depot to buy an electric heater and, as I walked out into the parking lot, I just had to pause. Look at the scene from the parking lot. Can one not pause?
The recent snow on the mountains, that has been happening almost every day, has left a pretty white spot that is brilliant. It did not snow in the valley; just in the mountains. It was flurrying yesterday and the mountains were obscured by clouds. You could almost see the snow falling up there. This is the picture left by that falling.
The recent snow on the mountains, that has been happening almost every day, has left a pretty white spot that is brilliant. It did not snow in the valley; just in the mountains. It was flurrying yesterday and the mountains were obscured by clouds. You could almost see the snow falling up there. This is the picture left by that falling.
It's a pretty straight shot from South Jordan to Sandy. I just held up my phone as I was driving (slowly) to snap the beauty. Just above the streak of clouds is a snow-covered peak, sticking its head up... (click on the photo to enlarge).
Am I lucky, or what? Warm autumn color blend with cool blues and whites of imminent winter. Again, in the shot below, I was searching for leaves on the grounds of the Jordan River Temple to take home to press...to keep...as a reminder of my first autumn in Utah. As I looked up, I saw a mountain peak over the trees.
In the other direction was the temple; another majestic sight, coupled with a flag for impending Veteran's Day splendor. The sun was exceedingly bright that day, as it is on most days. 'No lack of Vitamin D here.
I suppose one could say I am falling, truly, in love with Utah. I am so lucky to be here. Don't I know it?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
My New Life
It's been almost a year since my life was turned upside down.
In this last year I have been closer to my Heavenly Father, I think, than at any other time in my life.
I have been constantly on my knees in prayer and supplication.
He has guided me to this, my new life.
How desperate is a woman who would leave her home, her family, her friends, her job, her reputation in the community she spent decades grooming? How miserable must she be? How much anguish can one person take within her body, mind and soul?
That was my ride each day, to new heights of ignominy, embarrassment and humiliation. I prayed, "Father, what should I do?"
Each day he sent the Holy Ghost to strengthen me and lead me, seemingly by the hand, to find even more reasons to be aghast.
I needed a kick in the head. He was giving it to me. I was naive. He helped me see the light in the situation.
Despair, misery and anguish are all emotions perpetrated by the adversary. These are all sentiments that presented themselves to me in the past year as I discovered the dirty little secrets going on within and without my household. At times, I was all-consumed with these negative feelings.
"What could I have done differently?" "How could I have changed his actions?" were questions I constantly kept asking myself. Alas, a person suffering from addictive behaviors deserves the credit himself.
Blame was something I had to take off my plate. I slowly came to this realization, with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Too many times I cried, "Father, I can't do this anymore. Please help me?!"
Help came in the form of our Savior and Redeemer. He already went through what I was going through. He was the antidote to all the shame and bewilderment.
After a priesthood blessing, I realized my decision to get a divorce and move to be near my children, to remove myself from my home, from a community where I lived my whole life, was the right thing to do. The blessing confirmed it--mightily! I didn't have to pray that prayer anymore.
I have learned that the reason why these incidents happened to me was because "God will not be mocked." (D&C 63:58)
I feel blameless because I have helped in revealing what was happening that was making a mockery of my God and my whole belief system.
The opposite of despair is hope. The opposite of misery is joy. The opposite of anguish is contentment.
These opposites are what faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ brought to me as I now seek my new life.
I'm away from the abuser, so I have hope in Christ that I will find my way.
I am joyful because I can now stand on my own two feet and be my own me. (see Psalm 35:9)
I am content each day as I awaken and realize that it is a new day in my new life and I make of it what I can, with the help of my Heavenly Father, who loves me.
Now...on to healing.
In this last year I have been closer to my Heavenly Father, I think, than at any other time in my life.
I have been constantly on my knees in prayer and supplication.
He has guided me to this, my new life.
How desperate is a woman who would leave her home, her family, her friends, her job, her reputation in the community she spent decades grooming? How miserable must she be? How much anguish can one person take within her body, mind and soul?
That was my ride each day, to new heights of ignominy, embarrassment and humiliation. I prayed, "Father, what should I do?"
Each day he sent the Holy Ghost to strengthen me and lead me, seemingly by the hand, to find even more reasons to be aghast.
I needed a kick in the head. He was giving it to me. I was naive. He helped me see the light in the situation.
Despair, misery and anguish are all emotions perpetrated by the adversary. These are all sentiments that presented themselves to me in the past year as I discovered the dirty little secrets going on within and without my household. At times, I was all-consumed with these negative feelings.
"What could I have done differently?" "How could I have changed his actions?" were questions I constantly kept asking myself. Alas, a person suffering from addictive behaviors deserves the credit himself.
Blame was something I had to take off my plate. I slowly came to this realization, with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Too many times I cried, "Father, I can't do this anymore. Please help me?!"
Help came in the form of our Savior and Redeemer. He already went through what I was going through. He was the antidote to all the shame and bewilderment.
After a priesthood blessing, I realized my decision to get a divorce and move to be near my children, to remove myself from my home, from a community where I lived my whole life, was the right thing to do. The blessing confirmed it--mightily! I didn't have to pray that prayer anymore.
I have learned that the reason why these incidents happened to me was because "God will not be mocked." (D&C 63:58)
I feel blameless because I have helped in revealing what was happening that was making a mockery of my God and my whole belief system.
The opposite of despair is hope. The opposite of misery is joy. The opposite of anguish is contentment.
These opposites are what faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ brought to me as I now seek my new life.
I'm away from the abuser, so I have hope in Christ that I will find my way.
I am joyful because I can now stand on my own two feet and be my own me. (see Psalm 35:9)
I am content each day as I awaken and realize that it is a new day in my new life and I make of it what I can, with the help of my Heavenly Father, who loves me.
Now...on to healing.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Where Have I Been?
Friends have been asking me why I haven't been writing in my blog.
"Why did you stop writing?"
"When are you going to have new entries?"
All of my joyful activities came to a halt this past year--painting, writing--because I needed to get through a trying time.
"Writing does help," you might suggest.
Yes, it does.
I have been writing, but not joyfully, and certainly not blog-worthy. I have a lot of private writing from this past year; writing that will probably never be read. It was therapy for me. Others would not like to read it, so it is not public.
To describe it as vitriolic would be accurate.
To liken it to hateful would also be on the mark.
I would also portray it as cathartic and as way to give me direction and self-guidance. It served me well.
All who write know that moving the pen around, or, in my case, tickling the keys, in thought or ponder, helps one come to conclusions. After all the angst is out, inspiration is found under all the dirt. It's much like an archeological dig; dirt, dirt, dirt... dig, dig, dig... FIND! *Repeat*
Divorce is a form of grief. I have been going through many forms of grief in this last year. I lost a husband, a family structure, a home, a job I loved, an identity...and I moved 2,000+ miles away from where I have lived my whole life, from my extended family and many beloved friends, and from a valuable reputation in the community that I groomed over decades.
But God knows best and He has a plan for me.
I wondered why all of this happened, led by promptings of the Holy Ghost. A friend gave me an answer...God will not be mocked.
And so, my new life begins.
And writing is still requisite respite....as I am slowly rediscovering.
I am letting that joy back in...
"Why did you stop writing?"
"When are you going to have new entries?"
All of my joyful activities came to a halt this past year--painting, writing--because I needed to get through a trying time.
"Writing does help," you might suggest.
Yes, it does.
I have been writing, but not joyfully, and certainly not blog-worthy. I have a lot of private writing from this past year; writing that will probably never be read. It was therapy for me. Others would not like to read it, so it is not public.
To describe it as vitriolic would be accurate.
To liken it to hateful would also be on the mark.
I would also portray it as cathartic and as way to give me direction and self-guidance. It served me well.
All who write know that moving the pen around, or, in my case, tickling the keys, in thought or ponder, helps one come to conclusions. After all the angst is out, inspiration is found under all the dirt. It's much like an archeological dig; dirt, dirt, dirt... dig, dig, dig... FIND! *Repeat*
Divorce is a form of grief. I have been going through many forms of grief in this last year. I lost a husband, a family structure, a home, a job I loved, an identity...and I moved 2,000+ miles away from where I have lived my whole life, from my extended family and many beloved friends, and from a valuable reputation in the community that I groomed over decades.
But God knows best and He has a plan for me.
I wondered why all of this happened, led by promptings of the Holy Ghost. A friend gave me an answer...God will not be mocked.
And so, my new life begins.
And writing is still requisite respite....as I am slowly rediscovering.
I am letting that joy back in...
Monday, June 14, 2010
I MISS TIMMY AGAIN
Tim...er, Elder Knight left for his mission early this morning.
He gave an awesome talk in sacrament meeting yesterday.
Beverly said he sounded more like a returned missionary. I thought so, too, but...he's my son, so...
Tim's...er, Elder Knight's not much of a talker--at least to me. I feel like I'm always interrupting his silence by asking him questions, only to be told, "I don't know," usually. It was such a pleasure to hear about his deep inner feelings and see some emotion--good emotion--come to the surface yesterday. I will treasure that little piece of time. Perhaps when he returns from his mission he will be more willing to share, but it's doubtful. His older sister, most like him, is not forthcoming with tales of her life--unless it's on Facebook or her blog. Thus, I lurk.
I will be so happy to receive e-mails every week--EVERY WEEK!!!--from Elder Knight. He HAS to write to me. mmmuuuaaahhhhahhh... Perhaps he will then share his inner feelings again. A glimpse is all I ask. just a glimpse...just a glimpse...such a gift...
He gave an awesome talk in sacrament meeting yesterday.
Beverly said he sounded more like a returned missionary. I thought so, too, but...he's my son, so...
Tim's...er, Elder Knight's not much of a talker--at least to me. I feel like I'm always interrupting his silence by asking him questions, only to be told, "I don't know," usually. It was such a pleasure to hear about his deep inner feelings and see some emotion--good emotion--come to the surface yesterday. I will treasure that little piece of time. Perhaps when he returns from his mission he will be more willing to share, but it's doubtful. His older sister, most like him, is not forthcoming with tales of her life--unless it's on Facebook or her blog. Thus, I lurk.
I will be so happy to receive e-mails every week--EVERY WEEK!!!--from Elder Knight. He HAS to write to me. mmmuuuaaahhhhahhh... Perhaps he will then share his inner feelings again. A glimpse is all I ask. just a glimpse...just a glimpse...such a gift...
Leaving a Place . . .
Are there lightning bugs in Utah
Or sweet smelling honeysuckle vine?
Do daisies show their white happy faces?
Are there any traces of what, to me, is sublime?
Even though I love my white hydrangea tree
I hope I won’t see it bloom this year.
As I look around I am thankful for this house and gardens
But have to admit, I was never really happy here.
“This house is a gift,” I heard a voice say as plain as day.
I was admiring the newly planted strawberries ages ago.
This house is turning out to be a gift, though not what I imagined.
Dear Lord, please let it be a gift in the end, so I can go.
Children’s laughter and gaiety are the things I cherish most.
Sledding down the bank over the child-made bumps in the snow.
Running from hot tub to cold white and back to the warmth
Like affection,
Those memories will always be close.
Perhaps it’s best I am going to a place that is far removed
From everything I’ve loved (and loathed).
Utah is brown. Here it is green. Utah is dry. Here it is wet (with perspiration)
But who’s to say I can’t make it into something that’s loved (or filled with inspiration?)
I always say, “Leave a place better than you found it.”
I hope to do that. My heart and soul long for a ‘better place.’
Please, dear Lord, carry me to a home of repose
And let laughter and gaiety once more find a space
In my life...
Where friends and family are welcomed
And walls and rugs worn with use
Help me to be up to it, Lord.
With Thee, I know I can do it...happily...
no excuse.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)