IT'S BEEN A WHILE . . .

Gosh, I hadn't realized how long it's been since I've written on this blog. This used to be my only blog. I think here is where I add how I really feel about things, good or bad. I hope there is mostly good here.

I'm retiring on July 1.

I hope that means I'll be able to write more. So many thoughts go through my mind, I wish it was tethered to my blogs.

I think about my kids, my purpose, my friends, my extended family--and my granddaughter, Mila. Since the COVID-19 virus hit the planet, it has stymied my ability to see her, and my children.

The last time we got together as a family was the Sunday before my birthday in March. I had just been on FMLA due to another ankle surgery in February, and my first day back was supposed to be March 15.

Lo, and behold, March 15 was the first day of quarantine. My community is now in a "yellow" zone, meaning we can go places, but need to wear a face mask and stay six feet apart from everyone.

Just last week, we celebrated Tim's birthday. I decided to go. I hadn't gone to Zannah's birthday two weeks before and regretted it. I'm over 60 and have asthma, so am considered a "high risk" person.

While at Zannah's for Tim's birthday, I realized our trip back east in July was not going to happen. Maine is very restricted. You have to stop on the highway and give the authorities your phone number so they can check to make sure you're quarantining for 14 days. Well, we couldn't do that. And we couldn't do anything if we went, except stay in Jamely's house and order door dash for a week. No lighthouses, no beaches, no nothing.

I didn't want to spend the whole 12 days in Pennsylvania--they are restrictive, too--so I decided to wait until we do this big trip all over again next year. The Hill Cumorah Pageant was the impetus of our plans. It was postponed--the very last one--until next year.

I hope and pray we can all be together as a family next year. Please, God, let this pandemic pass.

26th Anniversary of My Father's Death

Today is the 26th Anniversary of my father's death. 

Henry Joseph Tobelmann, Jr., February 3, 1926-November 14, 1989.

I wrote about it in 2009 when it was the 20th Anniversary of his death. You can read all about it HERE.

This was the last picture taken of my father, out in his back yard by the pond on the golf course.
It was October 1989. He was 63 years old. That's just a little over a year older than I am now.

This was my father's picture and write up in his 1943 yearbook.
He did a lot. He was also voted Best Dancer and Most Likely to Succeed.

                          

                 This is my dad in his Navy uniform.
He served in the Great Lakes camp in Michigan during WWII.

When he got out of the Navy at the end of WWII, he went on to college on the GI bill.
This is my father's graduation picture from Villanova University in about 1949-50.
He got a job at Lukens Steel Company right away. That's where my grandfather worked, too.
He retired early in 1988 after coding from a minor hernia operation.
He took that as an omen, and my parents moved to Palm Coast, Florida. He died in 1989.
I'm glad he had a year and a half of retired life to enjoy.

The Tabernacle Experience

Last November, a friend in church invited me to join a community chorus. She said, "We'll be singing in the Tabernacle in March."
I said, "Whaaa?"
"The women's chorus is called We Also Sing. There's also a men's chorus called Because We Sing."
No audition necessary. Just come and sing. They were hoping for 364 women. What an invitation. I took her up on it.
Ten rehearsals. That was all that was necessary. Ten rehearsals and an amazing choir director, Merrilee Webb, apparently well-known in and around the Salt Lake area and beyond.
My first evening at a ward building in Taylorsville was not what I expected. It was filled--packed-- with women of all walks of life: mothers, grandmothers, teenagers, widows, divorcees, from 18 to 95 years old.
The warm-ups were hysterical. Sing fifths up three octaves, stay on the top fifth for three counts, then glide back down three octaves by fifths. It was FUN!
The director was funny, like a stand-up comedienne, yet spiritual, and posed many profound ideas. She would explain the songs, why they written, what they meant. I left spiritually fed every time. And she was stern enough to request and expect our best, which we delivered.
I persuaded Jewely to join. She loves to sing as much as I do. I knew she would like this. It was something we could do together.

Jewely and I ready to leave for the performance.
We had to wear all black with a solid-colored scarf.

After surviving the winter's flu season and snow season, the time for the dress rehearsal was upon us.
On Wednesday, February 27, all day at work I was anxious. I couldn't think. Distracted. Jewely and I and our friend, Linda Shirley, headed for Salt Lake City and arrived at 7:15.
Ready or not.
We found our seats. We sang. We paused for technical adjustments. We sang again.
Because I couldn't stand the whole time, I sat in the front row with the other "sitters." I sat next to a blind woman who had a Braille machine to help her. I never was able to talk to her long enough to have her explain it to me. On the other side was Merrilee's sister, Michelle Walker, who had a solo part in the first song.


That's me, behind the organ, in the blue scarf.

I was smack-dab behind the organ and it fascinated me, along with the organist and his techy machines. He didn't use sheet music, but an ipad. He said he had been coveting one for ages, so decided to splurge. I prayed the battery wouldn't run down. There was a small monitor on top of the organ that pointed directly at Merrilee and he could watch her without turning his head, but by glancing up at her on the monitor.

A picture of organist, Eric McKirdy, during dress rehearsal.

 

Jewely ended up sitting at the very top on the left side.

A blurry Jewely at the very top on the left.
These pictures were taken with Nick's phone before the performance.

Merrilee told us, due to the acoustics in the hall, we would only be able to hear ourselves sing and possibly the people next to us and behind us. She was right. I mostly just heard myself and occasionally I heard Michelle next to me. Never from behind, though. I sang solos on all songs, it seemed, and I sang with gusto.
I was concerned because I have been having trouble with my voice for more than a year. I wondered if it was from anesthesia from my surgery last year, or some other unknown trouble. I determined to sing in the choir, even if I had to move my mouth with no sound coming out.
During the course of rehearsing, my voice came back. I was overjoyed. I felt like I had lost part of my identity when my voice didn't always show up to the task. Now I can sing again!
When I left the Tabernacle Wednesday night, I felt I could stop there and be perfectly happy. Little did I know how much more awesome it would sound on performance night!
Again, all day Friday I was farklempt. Distracted. Anxious. Nervous. The songs kept invading my mind and I sang in my head all day long. I left work early and got home to relax a little before we had to leave and not be rushed. Jewely got off early, too.
We got there in time to hear the whole men's chorus performance. Awesome! The last song they sang was a rendition of "Nearer, My God, To Thee" that sounded like a Celtic chant. I can't explain how wonderful it was.
In the program was written: "We are 120 men who come from cities from Spanish Fork to Syracuse. Some of us go to jobs we love, and others go to our jobs anyway. Some of us are still in school, and our families wonder what our jobs will be. We try to be good sons, dads, and grandpas. We can forget you're in the room if there's a game on TV, and sometimes we don't throw our dirty cothes where you think they should go. But we know you love us . . . because we sing!"
Next up . . . the women.
The women's program stated: "We are 300 women who come from cities from Spanish Fork to Syracuse. Many of us are wives and mothers. Some of us are divorced, widowed, or single. We are housewives, employers, employees, and students. Some of us are rich and struggling, and others are poor and struggling. We laugh, we cry, and we try to make a difference. Oh, and . . . we also sing!"
Fitting.

The pink spotlights reflected onto us and we were all pink.
This shot is of the alto sections.

Merrilee started from out in the audience singing a Hawaiin chant which we joined in on as she proceeded up the steps to her post at the podium. It was a warm-up we did at the beginning of every practice.
The first song, "This is One of those Moments," from "Yentl," was a fitting herald to my feelings of singing in that venue. There are moments that no man can take away, no wave can wash away, no wind can blow away . . . There are moments you wait for and dream of all your life . . . I felt like standing up and shouting "THIS is one of THOSE moments!"
Merrilee, years ago, had arranged a medley of three Primary songs for her Hawaiin primary students when she taught at BYU-Hawaii. "My Heavenly Father Loves Me," "My Light is But a Little One," and "Lift Up Your Voice and Sing."
Next came "Praise to the Lord," which I had sung in Catholic church growing up, but there are different words here. I loved the harmonies in this rendition.
My very favorite song we sang was "Psalm 23" aranged by Z. Randall Stroope. The flutists were superb. When we ended the song, the sound reverberated and ricocheted off the ceiling and walls. Stupendous! Tears filled my eyes. Michelle, sitting next to me, had to wipe the tears from her face. I hope the echo is audible on the CD recorded that night.
Another one of Stroope's pieces, "Revelation," was powerful. Scary. Conveyed the message. Locusts, scorpions, hail and fire. The percussionists had fun with the drums on that one. Even though I knew it was coming, the sound made me jump.
Orson F. Whitney's "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" is one I've been singing in my head ever since. It's the same rendition from "17 Miracles." A flute accompanied this song as well.
I have loved "The Mom Song" ever since my sister Kathy shared the YouTube of Anita Renfroe's stand-up a few years ago. I was delighted we would sing it. It went so fast I could hardly get all the words out. But it was effective. Everyone loved it and applauded their arms off.
The next song we sang was not a favorite of mine. Very depressing. "My Love's in Germany," a Scottish Folk Song. I believe it was written during WWI. However, singing it in the Tabernacle made all the difference. That "you can hear a pin drop" mantra came to life as the reverb resounded and caught in my throat. I guess I like that song now.
Merrilee told the audience she chose her 10 favorite songs that the chorus has sung in the years past. There was nothing new, except for me and Jewely and whoever else was singing for the first time.
"The Pilgrim Song," an American folk hymn, next on the program, was also one of my favorites. I loved, loved, loved the solists. Brought a tear to my eye. Do you know how hard it is to sing when you cry?
As the applause died down and Merrilee prepped for the next song, I heard the Spirit speak to me; yell to me, "Look around! Take note! You don't ever want to forget this feeling or this experience!"
I heeded the prompting and looked at the women across the way, then out into the lights blurring the audience. I looked at Merrilee, so beautiful, looking back at all of us. I didn't realize it was time for the last song. I'm so glad the Spirit was audible through the haze of my emotions.
"Mo Ghile Mear," an Irish folk song, was last on the agenda. It was one of the two songs we had to memorize. I can see now why she picked it for last. I thought "The Mom Song" would garner a standing ovation in itself and we even took a bow after that song, but the one phrase from the soloist's words to this Celtic song said it best. "Now the time has come to leave . . ." I never really heard those words until that moment. Ah-ha, thought I, that's why we're singing this last. It also ended with a loud drum to match our loud shout. The echo rush was priceless!
I can't wait for the CD!
Afterward, Jewely met me with my coat. She confided she enjoyed it so much more that night than the dress rehearsal.
Yes, my dear, so did I. One hundred times more!

Thank you to all our friends and ward members who made the trek to SLC to attend the performance.

My Mish

Tim got off his mission June 20th. YAYYY!!!!
He went back to PA first and got released and gave his homecoming talk, which I heard through the grapevine was very good.
He's coming here July 12th.  I can't wait to see him. We are all abuzz with fussing and fretting and waiting and gnashing of teeth. He's going to give a talk in my ward July 15th after he gets here.

♫♪Anticipation ♫♪

That's the  Home Alone house in the Chicago suburbs, by the way.

2011--Oh, What a Year!

So, 2010 was a horrendous year for me--finding out about husband's shenanigans; deciding to leave him (good riddance!).  I consider it the longest year of my life.  I didn't realize how much I would miss my friends and family in Pennsylvania.  I figured, there's only one way to go--UP-- right?  2011 can only be better.
And it was...until September 3rd.
So, let's see what has happened this year...

January, 2011--still living with Meyersons (bless them abundantly, Lord) * found a house * thankful for my job

February, 2011--bought my house February 10th * moved in February 19th * was greeted by the many good people of the Midvale East 2nd Ward

March, 2011--Zannah's wedding on March 11th, my birthday * got my divorce notice (YAY!)

Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas C. Trujillo
Sealed in the Salt Lake Temple March 11, 2011

April, 2011--Alex moved in with me to live in my basement apartment

This is a terrible picture of Alex, but the only one I have at the moment

May, 2011--started planning and planting my garden--total bliss! * called as Sunbeam teacher at church * joined the Old Glory Vintage Dance group (it's so much fun!)

My back garden in May

June, 2011--helped with the Tour de Cure bike ride sponsored by SelectHealth * fell in love with Brigham City * went to the Utah Arts Festival in SLC with Zannah and Nick (so fun!). There was a whole display of a Knit-a-thon (crochet, too) where everything was covered in knitted or crocheted yarn--trees, parking meters, bicycles--even a whole car!  We also saw a performance by Ballet West, which is why Zannah wanted to go.  We rode Trax and had a great time.

Tour de Cure riders getting ready to ride. Beautiful backdrop.

I didn't realize I got the temple in the background. It was several blocks down the road.
The Wild Bird Refuge was closed due to flooding.  Maybe next year!

The new Brigham City temple, under construction

They knitted everything--even a car!  That's me standing next to the car.

UTAH ARTS FESTIVAL

Zannah and Nick waiting for the ballet performance.  It was wonderful.



They knitted and crocheted trees...



...and even bicycles--poles--parking meters--everything! 
It was so fun to discover all the places and things
that had been knitted and crocheted

July, 2011--visited Jewely and James in Rexburg * visited the Campbells in Idaho Falls * stopped in at Brigham City again (why am I drawn to that place?) and saw the angel Moroni on top of the almost completed temple * went to a couple of rodeos with Bonnie (who knew I would love rodeos?)

July 4th rodeo in West Jordan. 
There were fireworks after.  That made my day complete.

Brigham City temple with Angel Moroni

August, 2011--had a Divorce Party--I mean, a "First Anniversary of My Flight to Freedom" party with my PA Pals * had visits from Theresa Sneed and Betsy Love from Arizona;  hosted a book signing for them at my house! What fun! I also went to a book signing/reception for them and rubbed shoulders with authors and editors and publishers (bliss!) * Carla and Ellen Campbell visited from Idaho (so great!); we went to This is the Place Park and to Joe's Crab Shack (YUM!); we attended Music and the Spoken Word on Sunday before they left to go home * Jewely visited for a day or two and we went to Hogle Zoo * (I can't believe I didn't take any pictures. I have to be better with bringing my camera)

September--da.da.daaahhh * while painting a tiny cut-out wall over my fireplace, the ladder I was standing on collapsed and I ended up in the ER. No break was seen on the X-rays, so it was assumed to be a bad sprain.

This was the little wall I was painting when the ladder collapsed.

This looks like a very bad sprain, doesn't it?

This is me, the day before surgery, standing and kneeling on my knee walker
in front of the little wall that Sandy painted in 15 minutes.

 October--finally got an MRI October 11th which disclosed a displaced fracture in the talus bone; surgery needed immediately; surgery on October 17th disclosed dislocated tendons and ligaments; out of work for 3 weeks * my mom flew in from Florida for a week (nice!)

November--follow-up doctor appointment November 1st; stitches out * back to work on November 7th * one-year anniversary at SelectHealth November 22nd (so grateful for my job and understanding boss)
December--started Physical Therapy December 7th; was told I am in the very beginning stages of recovery.  I may not walk without a boot until May.  I may not fully recover for 12 months.

So, I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with three out of four of my kids (and their spouses).  I can't wait to talk to my missionary on Christmas Day, so we will all technically be together that day, via technology.

The year 2011 was mostly wonderful, until Labor Day weekend.  I worked on gaining my freedom and learning who I am, forging a new identity in a new state, new city, new job.   I hope to be able to finish my book, take some creative writing classes and maybe some art classes.  I'm also thinking about taking voice lessons from my friend, Jane Kessler, if she'll teach me. 

So, I'll say again, there's only one way to go--UP--right?  Yes, I choose to believe that.

Merry Christmas 2011

Happy New Year Blessings

So, being New Years Day, I thought I would make a list of things I'm thankful for. I spent all of 2010 making and living resolutions. I think I've filled my quota for quite a few years. But there's still room for improvement, you might say.

And, so there is.

But first, the blessings:

• My Heavenly Father loves me and knows who I am. He knows my angst and my happiness. He has helped me through this last year. I can and will not ever deny that.   So many times I saw one set of footprints. So many times He was the only One I could rely on.

• The Atonement of our Savior took up the slack when I couldn’t go on. I knew I would have to rely on Him to fill the measure of what was needed. I hope I will always live my life worthy of His great sacrifice.
• I am thankful for the Meyersons. When Bonnie found out I wanted to move to Utah but I didn't know how I was going to do it, she didn't hesitate. She said right out, "You'll stay with us." What a blessing that has been! I have my own room and bath and a big closet. The Meyersons have given me so much and ask nothing in return. I needed a place to feel safe and they freely gave it to me.

Jodi and Bonnie

and Mike Meyerson        
 

• I'm near my kids--at least two of them, but I have seen Jewely three times since I've been here. Idaho might not seem so far away, but it's a LOOOOONG four-hour drive to Rexburg. It actually takes me five hours because I have to stop every hour or so to stretch my legs. But, I digress...     I have seen Sandy and Zannah, and now Nick, many, many times. Sometimes once a week, sometimes more. The Meyersons are gracious and invite them to dinners and they allow me to cook dinners and invite them over, usually on Sundays.

Soon-to-be son-in-law Nick and Zannah

                  Sandy/Alex holding Jodi's Daisy, and me

• My youngest child, Elder Tim Knight, is serving a mission.  I have been told that most of the blessings I am receiving are because of his missionary service.  It's so true.

Elder K. Timothy Knight
Illinois Chicago Mission
currently serving in the Michigan City, Indiana area
• I have had a chance to create some new traditions with my kids, like going to see the Christmas lights at Temple Square, going to see “The Forgotten Carols,” and getting tickets for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert, this year with David Archuleta and Michael York. I look forward to perpetrating them in the years to come. I hope we can get tickets again next year. They are distributed by lottery.

Me, after the MoTab Christmas Concert.  Looking on from the Conference Center.

Zannah and Nick enjoying the lights at Temple Square

Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert 2010 with David Archuleta and Michael York.

I hope we can get tickets again next year!  It was awesome!

• Though Facebook was the impetus that led to the dissolution of my marriage, I recognize that it is also had for good. Without Facebook I would not be able to keep in touch so intimately with all my friends that remained behind, my family and the friends I have here.  Email is also a miracle. I can, at any time, correspond with anyone anywhere. Add Skype and you have a trifecta of communication that wasn't available a decade ago.

• I found a good job. It's the same kind of work I did before, but in a different setting. God is good. Though I have a lot to learn, I am willing. It might not be in a place I would have chosen, but I know HE knows what is good for me. I have many benefits from working there, and the people are great. I hope to make some wonderful friends in the people that work there. I will try to decipher the new language and do the best job I can.

• I am healthy. For the first time in a long time...I feel better than ever.

• I am happy. Burdens were lifted that were on my shoulders for many years. I now have a chance to pursue my dreams. I can have dreams! I can do anything I want to do. I hope to serve God and listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost in all things. I acknowledge He is the source of my happiness. I feel loved and protected.

• Prayer is the communication I have with God. Reading the scriptures and receiving Priesthood blessings give me the answers to my prayers--His communication back at me. He has not forsaken me.

• I have a choice of three temples to attend within a 15-minute radius. Add 20 minutes and I've got 4. Add a half hour and there are more than a half dozen. I love Utah for that reason (among many).

Draper Temple

 

Jordan River Temple

 

 Oquirrh Mountain Temple, all three are about 15 minutes away

• I have so many friends!!!! I would not be where I am today without their constant care and companionship. This last year would have done me in, but my friends kept me going. They gave me hope. They buoyed me up.  My friends rallied around me and constantly called me to see how I was doing. They still do! They helped me leave and gave me a place to stay. I had many more offers than I took up. I really felt so loved.

My peeps at Clare Bridge of Dublin, minus Lynn Wirth.  They gave me a farewell party on August 10th, my last day.  I miss them...  and I saw Lynn later

         

My peeps at church gave me a farewell party before I left, too. August 10th, the same day.

 Skipback Cindies Reunion in July.  So many old friends I hadn't seen in quite awhile.

Gillis girls.  They are my family.  Megan calls me 'Aunt Susan,' which I love.  Beverly is my honorary big sister.  It was nice to have Erin there, too.

Patty, me, Lynn, Brenda-- *sigh*

 Donna IS my sister.  We decided that a long time ago.

 Joanie Fuller Harlan let me stay with her on my last day in Penna.  She's my very best friend from grade school!

I had lunch with LuAnn Stern before I left.  It was good to set eyes on her after 25 years of just corresponding.  We sang in a guitar trio in high school with Nancy Pollock Cole.  I guess she realized if she was ever going to see me it was now or never!  So good to see her!  We are eternal friends.

I stopped in Kentucky and stayed with the Ahrens family..another blessing along the way.

I stopped in Colorado Springs to see my friend, Shirlee Brule' and her family.  Good times!

•  My family!!!!!! My sister, Kathy, sent me an uplifting text every morning (still does!), which I read ravenously. My other brothers and sister also told me they were there for me, whatever I might need. I was so touched by their love. I’ve never seen my mom act so she-bear! Though I had to temper her anger and persuade her to NOT come to Pennsylvania to be with me, I was so grateful for the offer. Before I left, Andrew gave me a big hug and dropped a tear or two and said he wasn’t happy about losing another sister to a faraway place. Warren called and left a message on my voicemail and told me he loved me (which I have saved and won’t delete). John called to make sure I was OK and offer financial help, as did Chrissy. She sent me many texts to tell me how much she loves me (which I keep and will not delete). Beth called and offered the expertise of her bosses at the law firm. She wanted to make sure I was on the right path and that I was looking out for my own interests and wasn’t caving.

                                        
My sister, Kathy, sends me uplifting texts every morning.  I look forward to them.  One time it served as my alarm clock and I wasn't late for work!!!! Yikes!  Keep it up, Kath!


Chrissy, my baby sister, and me at my family farewell party


                  

Family get-together the day before I left

                             My little brother, John, and me                       

                        

       Jeff, holding Trudie, Mom and Andrew

 Don, my mother's wonderful husband

Andrew at a summer cook-out at Warren's

Chris and Warren after a water balloon fight

 Jeff waiting his turn at horseshoes

Lori and Beth, my precious sisters-in-law

I honestly didn’t realize so many people cared for me! I am blessed to have so many friends, and a big family who love me.

• A chance to start over.

I know I haven't even scratched the surface of my blessings.  I know there will be many more to come.

Please, Lord, lead me down the right path during this next phase, as I know Thou will. Thou was with me, leading and guiding me, and sometimes giving me a good kick in the head to get going. Thou told me to have courage. Thou persuaded me that I was making the right decisions. Thou let me know, under no uncertain terms, I was doing the right thing—getting a divorce and moving to Utah. For that, I am grateful. I look to Thee in all things. I love Thee, Lord. Please bless all those who had a hand in my life this past year. Please bless them abundantly!!!!