The next day I actually drove myself to work and I wasn't so afraid. I built up to 5 hour days by Friday. I hope I can build up to 8 hours this coming week.
There are still so many things that give me angst. It's like learning my life all over again. Driving, walking, typing, (and this week I will have a meeting where I have to take Minutes -- scary!). There were actually people I work with whose names I forgot. I thought they were new. Silly me...
I have to say, taking a shower is very challenging. I have to prepare everything ahead of time--towels, my clothes, crutches--and I have a shower chair that the doctor said I have to use. I'm not allowed to stand in the tub. I use the tub in the other bathroom rather than my shower. It's just more convenient. And I guess I can use whatever I want. lol. It takes me over a half hour to plan and execute the whole thing. It's scary because I'm afraid of falling. Like tonight, I realized I didn't have my phone with me. It was in the bedroom. I just prayed the whole time I wouldn't fall. Prayer works. :)
I don't like feeling so needy. I'm used to being independent and enthusiastic about life. And, of course, being an analyzer, I always have to find meaning in all things. Why did this happen? What am I supposed to learn from this? I feel like I'm wasting my life. I see the sunshine outside and I can't be part of it. There's so much to do around here and I can't do anything!
So what am I learning?
Patience? I already consider myself a very patient person. I was a piano teacher, for heaven's sake!
Accepting service? Well, perhaps that has been hard. I've had to acknowledge that I need help. That is very hard for me. Maybe tempering my pride needed work.
Or I could just leave it at acquiescing to bad luck. My guardian angels saved me from what could have been so much worse. Perhaps I should rejoice in that; I am just paying the consequence of a terrible accident.
When I pray, I am always reminded of my blessings. I have a roof over my head and food to eat (when someone brings it to me), and the warmth of a furnace and blankets and a comfortable bed. I have a wonderful job and a boss who is understanding about my 'situation.' I am so thankful for that!
I have good kids who are taking care of me--and people from church have been excellent. And my friends have not forgotten me.
This morning, Sunday, and every Sunday since the beginning of September, my church service is Music and the Spoken Word. It is so uplifting. I love hearing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and watching the beautiful cinematography that accompanies each song. Then there is a show called Mormon Times that's very enlightening. Then I watch a show that discusses scripture, so that is my Sunday School. I am able to study the gospel via television, which I wouldn't be able to do back east with no BYU-TV. I enjoy it immensely.
And getting a new Google TV was one of the best decisions I made. I am typing, with thumbs right now, while I simultaneously watch a Harry Potter marathon on ABCFamily-TV. Miraculous to me. So I am blessed.
I am thankful that I can crochet. I have been stitching up a storm and the babies at the NICU will have lots of hats and cocoons for the holidays. My son-in-law, Nick, persuaded me to set up an Etsy Shop so I did that. Who knows? Maybe someone will want to pay me to crochet? haha. I do it as a service for the babies, but maybe this will be a way to earn money to pay for the yarn -- by selling a few things.
It is well known that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Since I am not dead, I suppose I am getting stronger by the minute here. Thank you, Lord, for my trials. I know that whatever I am learning now will come in handy at some time. Such is life. I love to learn...and so I am.
* So, for those of you who are faint at heart, this is the spoiler alert. I am posting pictures of my ankle with all the scars and stitches, so don't go any further, dear reader, if you don't want to be grossed out. Since this is my blog and I'm trying to capture my life here, I'm posting the gross photos. :)
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| Yeah, that's gonna' be ugly for awhile. At least the swelling around the sutures has gone down. Sutures were removed Nov. 1. This is the residue. Ankle is still quite swollen. |
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| The other side of my ankle is still bruised. It really hurts to walk on my heel, even in the boot. I'm not supposed to put all my weight on my foot yet. And I'm supposed to stay in the boot to walk--with crutches. I don't think I can walk without crutches. It hurts too much. I very rarely actually see my foot. It's usually in a sock and wrapped or in the boot. When I take a shower, I have to unwrap it, so it surprises me, too. I'm not allowed to soak it, but just let water drip on it. I'm also not supposed to put any cream, lotion or Neosporin-type stuff on it. The skin is so dry. It's like looking at an alligator when I take the sock off. yuck! And so the saga continues... |
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